As a teen do you feel...
Unsure of yourself?
Alone in the world?
Worried about life?
Anxious and stressed?
Don't belong?
Aren't good enough?
It is safer to stay quite and hidden?
Navigating the teen years is hard. Its hard to figure out who you are and where you belong in the world when you don't have the resources you need.

Resources?
The resources are the tools needed to deal with your own emotions and the emotions of those around you.

I like to say that children are selfish because they see themselves as the centre of the universe. If something bad happens it must be because of them. They aren't able to see the wider world. As teenagers this begins to change and the world around us gets larger and more complex and we start looking outside ourselves for reasons why we feel the way we do. "I'm angry because my math teach is a jerk." "I'm depressed because no one likes me." "I hate Mom/Dad because they ..." 

Here's the deal, no one can make us feel something. All feelings come from within. And when we have the right resources available to use we can figure out what feelings are driving our actions and what internal beliefs are driving those feelings. 

Here's an example from my life when I was entering Grade 11. For school that year I got new clothes and I remember looking for and buying clothes that were mainly beige as I wanted to be able to blend in as I hoped no one would notice me in the hallways or in class and therefore I could escape being picked on. I felt I went to school with a bunch of mean jerks. They were the problem and they made me feel that I didn't belong. The truth was that I did have a history of being bullied and this left me feeling less than and on the defensive. I wasn't prepared to take a risk or give people a chance at a new school. I painted everyone with the same brush and assumed they would treat me the same way I was treated before. I was taking actions to protect myself before anyone did anything. My actions were being driven by my fears. I was making myself feel afraid.

Now as an adult I have the proper tools and resources to understand what I was feeling and to approach new people and situations not from a place of fear but instead from a place of openness and curiosity because I no longer let other peoples action or inaction dictate what I feel.

How can counselling help?
As a counsellor I can help you to access and express your feelings, your fears and understand where these feelings are coming from and work with you to not internalize them. Once we understand what is driving our feelings from within we have choices and can choose how we react to our feelings.  If we believe our feeling are caused by other people then we are helpless and are dependent on that other person changing. It is much easier to change ourselves then to change someone else.

What next?
If you think you could benefit from counselling please contact me to book a 20 minute consult to help both of us figure out if I can be of help to you. 

And if you are parent reading this page I encourage you to share it with your teen. Counselling works best when people choose it for themselves and want to take part in the process. If your teenager isn't ready for counselling you might want to consider counselling for yourself or family counselling.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  - E.E. CUMMINGS
​To learn more book a 20 minute consult by visiting our contact us page.